ITV and Penis pumps

Eeeh, that was a traumatic night's work and play. I decided not to go to the Hemirates stadium tonight on account of me arthritis and the lashing rain. It plays havoc with me joints when it rains, especially in some concrete floored flapjack house.

It was a shame ITV relegated the game again Dynamo Zagreb to the tumbleweed (could be grumbleweeds) channel ITV4 but they got their inept comeuppence when they lost the pictures for 7 minutes and then the sound. After poking myself in the eye to see if I was blind I found I wasnt, and then after sticking a stick in my ear to see if I had gone deaf, I hadnt. ITV managed to get us the pictures back and lo and behold we'd missed the crucial goal. A nonchalent apology later and blame Arsenal policy, and ITV remind me of the best London story of the day as reported by the Evening Standard...

Darren Colliver, 30, Peckham, flew into a rage when girlfriend Louise Franklin told him the online payment for the penis pump he had ordered did not go through. He assaulted her and broke her leg and got 3 years and four months for it and a string of other small offences.

One could infer ITV's corporate strategy to be a similar one to Colliver. Over and out for Wednesday 23rd August 2006.